Space.

Relationship. It's probably one of the most important intangible thing in my life right now. It probably defines me most than other things in my life like music or favourite food. It forms me, mould me, change me... into a person I like or despise. 

The thing is with me and relationships is that many may not agree with me on this but I need space. It don't matter who you are ; you could be my closest friend or one of my family member or perhaps even God. It don't matter.. I still need space. I need time away from you. I need that 'absence makes the heart grows fonder' thing. But, you may not understand why. I mean, all you see is that if we enjoy each others company then why be apart? I mean, shouldn't we be in contact as much as possible? 

If you were to meet me for the first time, I wouldn't be surprise if you were to think I come off as snobbish or arrogant or even, unfriendly. Sometimes I wonder if  that precious 3 seconds of first impression is designed to go against me. I suck at first impression. But, be open-minded and give me time to prove you wrong. 

I'm trying to be as neutral. I'm trying to shake off that 'If I like you, I like you and if I don't, then I don't' thing. I mean, people deserves more than my judgement. They deserve more than my cold, heartless one-dimensional labels. They deserve that. 

*******

Space. It's not you, it's me. I don't hate you. But if you start to be clingy, I can promise you I won't be nice. I guess that's why most of my relationships don't work out. They get fed up with me constantly pushing them away. It's not that I don't want them to be around ; it's just that I need my own time for myself. That is why I don't like controlling people, telling me what to do. People with ego who demands me to report to them all the time about how I'm doing, what's the latest that happened to me. I mean, I'll share when I want to, with who I want to.

They don't understand. I suppose that's how the world works. I mean, the world LOVES its share of confident, loud & outspoken individuals. They always favour the extroverts, the social butterflies, the talkers. They always do. But, what happens to us introverts? I mean, is it wrong to be quiet, to enjoy nothing but comfortable silence, to be away from that hype? Is it wrong to not want to social all the time, to talk all the time? No, you instead put us into a box and call us misfits, calling us anti-socials and emo people, calling us out we who are withdrawn. I mean, in the end of the day, you're probably just them people who aren't understanding enough, not having enough patience to deal with us. 

I think nothing better describes me other than this short passage my 2nd brother posted once on his Facebook. I don't know if he got this from somewhere but something tells me that it's his own wise words:

I remember my mom had a friend visiting, this friend had a son about my age and thought I'd be thrilled to play with him. I remember hiding in the room as she and the friend tried to coax me out. My whole life, family has tried to coax me out. They don't understand I'm not in a shell, just an introvert. We tend to be very selective about who we hang out with, not just hang for the sake of hanging. I hope that makes sense.

 I mean of course, I'm not like super self-centered and selfish that EVERYONE has to go out of the way to talk to me, to get to know me better. I do make the effort, I do put my foot forward, making initiative to be friendly and to start conversations etc. Like the passage said, we just tend to be very selective about who we hang out with, not just hang for the sake of hanging. And sometimes, I need to withdraw myself from all of that. 

It's just that I need space and people who values that.  


 

Goodbye, STPM ; my souvenirs.

EPIK HIGH'S '99' on replay. Stacks of  David Choi (okay fine, 3.) & one Alexa Yoshimoto to add to my playlist. A couple of RPG to be installed. I'm set for one month-ish of nothing but FUN.

With that, my last paper is DONE!
Honestly, it felt a little surreal handing in that answer sheet to the invigilator but yeap, I'm now officially free!!!! (Well, at least until September or so that is ;) )

Had the almost compulsory 'mamak' session and talk about our future varsity days & how difficult BM paper was. All I can say is that, it was totally unexpected and I already found that I made a mistake. A MISTAKE at one of the question which I'm so called confident in. My mind could only go on about, " Oh gosh, what if all the others that I was sooooo confident in would end up with the same result too?"

Omooooo. T_____T

Ahh, forget it. It's over now and the last thing I want to do is to torment myself over something that I obviously can't change. Either way, no regrets whatsoever. :)


Right now, I'm looking forward to that *possible* Penang trip next week. Setting up the Christmas tree later tonight. Ready to unleash my creative side! And, making a prezzie list. Wahhh, freedom didn't taste this good since SPM. I mean, this is my LAST major public examination. No more school, no more uniform. That 1 year & half was pretty sweet, honestly. Can't believe I finally completed my Pre-U and survived. Wasn't that bad as most think it would be hehehehe.

Talks of university choice, job-hunting, what-to-dos and what course to take seems to be the main thing my friends and I are on about. I mean, what would you expect of us school leavers anyways? :b

********

The most surreal thing is probably the thought of not having my rakan seperjuangan by my side anymore. I mean, no more Suhadah's "crazy/meroyan" time (peak time : late mornings - noon-ish), going crazy over all things YG Entertainment & the beautiful Korea with Lorraine & Syafa, hanging out with boys of 6A2 (Aizad, Iskandar, Arshad & Din) with their silly antics in tow (of course hahaha) .

Friendship like these don't just come & go. They stay with you forever. I will miss all the memories made. All the deep conversations, the difficult time we braced through together, the happy times we shared. Cliché but true. 

I am going to miss having a good laugh & mini story-telling session during Sejarah with teacher-lifelong friend Puan Rohaya or affectionately known as Mek Yah to us. Truly like a mother to us, we turn to her for words of comfort and wise advice like a friend but above all, like a respected maternal role in our Form 6 life.She is one amazing multitask-er and Sejarah period is never a bore with her around.

Getting daily life lesson/survival tips from our lovely Puan Sow. She is probably one of the most gangsta' Bahasa Malaysia teacher you will ever meet. I love how she tell us as it is, not sugarcoating stuff to make things better. She ultimately became our mediator and again, nothing but wise partings from her. I'm thankful for all the lesson for a subject (that I once deemed as a bore and difficult) that helped make things so much easier to understand and to fall in love with.

Also, not forgetting the sweetheart of the class, Puan Wong, who continue to inspire me to study/work harder on her subject, Pengajian Perniagaan. Sometimes, I wonder if she was the one to sit for the STPM or us. I mean, her willingness to go all out to find out information, & read up the night before just so she could explain the terms & lesson to us. And also, for her to relentlessly to motivate us.

and also, Puan Lim, the most dedicated Pengajian Am teacher who goes out all the way to impart extra knowledge even if we're (technically) not  her class. All the extra lessons, extra notes and extra knowledge alongside the STPM mini-tips definitely help. She never stop telling us how we can do this ; that PA is not impossible to do. She believes that if we set our mind to it, nothing is impossible. ;)

MUET teacher, Puan Sharon Chan! How can I leave out such a bright, vibrant character. Learning English from her was definitely a breath of fresh air. Her gung ho spirit when it comes to teaching simply catch on you. I love her take on MUET ; she is definitely not your average English that is for sure. I appreciate that she is constantly challenging us to be better, to be more informed, to always strive for more, to never just settle for a pass. I mean, behind that tough love, she just wants the best for us. All I can say that, you're in good hands and that her class is definitely an eye-opener.

Our main Pengajian Am teacher, Encik Rozaim for his aegyo ; that he is not afraid to be silly with us and for all the knowledge that money can't buy. He keeps us updated with all the current issues in the country and also, in other foreign countries. Not forgetting, his ceaseless patience with us and his passion to teach us crazy & misfit group of students is something to be treasured. He thought us that learning is lifelong thing and that knowledge is shared both ways.

Not forgetting all my previous teachers as well,

Datin Nor Hasmah, who is our sunlight, constantly pouring out motivations & is ever so positive. Soft-spoken, despite her title, she is one of the most humble and down-to-earth person ever. She is definitely one of a kind. I have never seen her get angry or lose her temper at us... not even once. But instead, she imparts words of wisdom, continuously encouraging us.

Puan Doreen, with her can-do attitude is definitely infectious on anyone. She chose to believe in us and chose to take a risk on us & defy all the negative labels that has unfortunately been stamped on fellow 6R2/6A2s.We became the catalyst and changing perceptions of many... and this is all because of her. With that, we are able to take on important roles in school and actually do something for the school and its community. For that, I want to thank her for all the motivation and the opportunities that was offered to us.

Puan Tuan Norhayati, who first taught us Business Studies, helped lay out important foundation in our learning as well as good understanding the subject.The foundation definitely helped when we continue in Upper Six. Her patience and the fact that she took extra effort to review lessons the next day was something that was important in our learning process. She took extra care to make sure we understood her lesson and I thank her for that.

And last but definitely not least, my friends who have been by my side since Lower Six, words does not simply justify our friendship and all the things we've been through. But still, I thank you for it has been an amazing adventure with all of you.

With that, I'm eternally grateful for Form 6 life, all the things it had taught me and all the things that came with it.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

(I thought while I'm at it, why not continue this challenge lol)

Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to

Taken from Trip Advisor : Macau Vacation

 Possibly the best picture to depict Macau, isn't it? It's the first thing that pop into my mind when I think about the beautiful country.
So, I've been here ... The ruins of St.Paul Cathedral. And also, the Venetian (it's like a little piece of Italy, honestly!)

The ruins is hauntingly beautiful and I would try to go back there again next year. It's like almost 4 years since I first visit Macau. Getting super excited just thinking about the trip. :)

I miss the food, the beautiful architecture, the fusion between East and West which still breathe life and ultimately is the essence of Macau and above all, my Uncle, Aunt & little Grace. I can't wait to see them & spent some time in this quaint little city. 

Well, there you go, for day 5.Only 25 more day (posts) to go! 

What to do?

Funny how I tend to get this sort of epiphany late night/early mornings (2 am,anyone?)
By epiphany, I usually mean mini-inspiration to blog. As I'm typing away, I can't help but think  that come this Wednesday, it will be (officially) my last day of school. My last paper ; hence last day of being in a public school. After this, I will off for another adventure : Varsity Days.

To be completely honest, I have yet to figure out what I want to do ; what course to take and all. But right now, I'mma chill (after my last paper that is!) and worry on post STPM activities. 

Things-to-do :
1) Get an actual job (Full time for three months maybe)
2) MACAU (possible HK trip?!) woots!!
3) Plan out Youth Day cum Youth camp! *stoked*
4) Go for that Korean Language class !
5) Pick up dancing again? I'm considering hiphop/jazz at the mo (no absence of natural talent shall stop me    muahahaha)
6) Resume the guitar class!
7) Start training for marathon again - (workout/slim down-get fit plan)
8) Find a little 'me' time for some K-drama I've been saving up & of course, RUNNING MAN!!! 
9) Oh yes, that includes some local tv shows like Hip Hoppin Asia with none other than MR JOE FLIZZOW!!! 
10) Practice my driving... I gotta be better at this seriously. 
11) Pick up electric guitar maybe? OR continue practicing  to be better at acoustic. (My skills are getting choppy these days -_-)
12) Take some time to figure out what I want to do... East Asian Studies or Psychology or Anthropology.
13) Do more things that I've been putting off all year! :)

Well, that's just a rough sketch to get me started. For now, I have BM 1 to go and Christmas to look forward to. Stoked is not even enough to justify my state right now. Hopefully, I will actually cross out these things on my list. Till then, this is me signing out.

Adrenaline rush.

Okay so I decided to blog back. 
I mean, not gonna be a daily update but urm, just when I feel like it or when there is something to blog about.

********

So, I am officially addicted to running. I just completed my first 10k run. Which was both challenging AND fun at the same time.

It's true what most people say about the first half being the most challenging part. It really takes up a lot of your mental strength (aside from your physical condition of course!) to push forward ; to keep on moving. Mind over matter as they say. If you give at that point (or in this case, me), I can almost guarantee you that you won't persevere on to finish the race in the estimated given time. 

I almost did give up, honestly. I was struggling really bad because I didn't train enough (my bad) and the first half was pretty much a nightmare because people kept passing me by and I couldn't find it in me to keep on going.

But, I finally did push through and keep telling myself I need to finish what I started. Entering the 2nd half, things became easier, and the rhythm of it all just fall in place. I ran further and more frequently than I usually do. That came as a surprise to me...because I didn't expect that I could actually pull through. Especially because I didn't really train as much as I wanted (or needed to). 

So, in the end of the day, I realised my ultimate competitor is myself. After all, I am only doing this to challenge myself to go further (aside from the charity bit of course!) ; to see how far I can go. I can say that I am happy I finished it. I am happy that I exceed my own expectation. And the best part is that this becomes a motivation that I really need since STPM is around the corner.

My main concern was to come in last.. which praise the Lord, I didn't. In fact, I was the Top 100 Finisher and score a medal! (Though I think that the number of women in the 10k category is about 100 or less hahaha)
But, still I achieve more than what I started with. 

I am looking forward to my next 10k run...next year maybe.  Gotta train for that for sure! 
And this whole thing is going to fuel me further to train and prepare for the next race. I'm stoked just thinking about it.

Alright, gonna sign off for some old RM episodes, analysing Sejarah PMR, and my own STPM preparation! (one of my favourite language, BM and also, Pengajian Am!) 


till then, go do something that you've always been wanting to do but never seem to find the time/motivation/courage to. Forget those doubts and believe that you have it in you to keep going ; to push through. Run a half-marathon or 10k, go for that language class, sign up for a competition..basically, just CHALLENGE YOURSELF & see where you can go there. Otherwise, how else would you know where you're at? How else would you grow to be a better,more improved version of you?

In other words, don't think (too much) and just go ahead with it! ;)

 

Will be back soon.

I don't know if anyone actually reads this since I hardly talked about my blog. Or having one. 
But, yeah still, I feel obligated (somehow) to post this.

Trials is next week and the whole not-gonna-procrastinate thing don't seem to be going to well. I still have loads to prepare for and I'm only down to a week. Sometimes, I wonder what kind of Upper Six student, who is suppose to sit for her STPM in a couple of months, am I. I hardly sweat buckets, "preparing" for my big day. Ughh.

So sadly, I have to postpone this blogging thing until further notice. Or at least until I'm done with STPM. Grrr. Gonna (still) stick with stpmcountdown project on Instagram... just to so-called keep me anticipating the day itself. 

Wish me the best, as I'll work harder these next few weeks.. for my future. This all plays a part to whether I can achieve my dreams to be a counselling psychologist. So yeah, it's a VERY big deal. 

I shall miss writing ; pouring my heart content into this little blog of mine, but until then, I shall curb that appetite by mini-blogging via Twitter or Instagram. 

See you after 3 months or so! <3

Day 4;

I haven't been constant with this blogging thing... too many projects on my hand such as the Instagram #stpmcountdown and the daily gratitude list as well as training for my first 10km run. OH ANDDD actually preparing for STPM itself. So yes, please do bear with me.

So, day 4. "A habit that you wish you didn’t have."

Hmm, I had to think long and hard for this one 'cuz to list just ONE is practically impossible for me. I have too many bad habits that I wish I didn't have. But, if I really have to pick one, it would most definitely be my tendency to procrastinate.

Yes, I may argue that I'm like any other teenager who tends to put things off for as long as possible, but honestly, I think I'm a procrastinator because I turn it into habit. Plus, my personality trait contribute to that too. I'm a perfectionist by nature, hence everything MUST be done properly and in order. So, I tend to want to finish a task at hand before taking upon another. Didn't really matter if it's a small matter like washing the mug after drinking water or bigger "rocks" like completing homework after telly time.

So yeap, one task at a time. Or multitask the best way possible. 

Now, I shall (slowly hahaha) stop procrastinating and actually complete whatever needs to be done. Wish me the best, fellow readers! ;)

Day 3 ;

circa May 2012 (my birthday month!<3)

I picked this (again!) because this is by far my favourite-est picture collage of my lovely friends and I.

Credits to Aizad for putting all our class mementos together!

I don't know why, but once mentioned 'friends', this "3rd family" comes to mind <3

As I have mentioned before, these are my rakan seperjuangan so yeap, they mean the world to me. 

I think these are the people whom I'm closest to, considering that I spent so much time with them ahaha. 

I know I'm supposed to post ONE photo but I thought, why post one when you can have a collage of them?! Brilliant or what? (lol)

6A2 mates, once again I thank you all. For all the crazy moments, and also them difficult moments that we've braced together. 

Here's to many more to come! 

More sweet memories that is! ;) 

xoxo.

Day 2;

Just saw the match earlier and all I can say is I am proud of our Dato' Lee Chong Wei! :) He played really well and kept his cool throughout the game. Definitely improved a lot from before. He really played like a gentleman. What a brilliant sportsman I'd say! What I saw today was that he gave his all and I'll remember him for that, gold medal or not. And for that, we Malaysians thank YOU for that ... for doing your utmost best despite of everything.

********

Okay, day 2 of blog challenge. I was supposed to blog on what my blog name meant. Actually, there's no need for deciphering the name. It's my own name. My full name that is ; its initials. Connie Khong Chai Ai Sim. Hahaha, I suppose now it make sense than C-K-CAS. lol.

I would probably gone with something like brightcandle or shiningstar or awakening or something meaningful along that line. But erm, I decided to forgo that and just stick with just using my own name, my own identity to blog away. Otherwise, a couple of years back I'll probably will go with a pseudonym like punqsk8er or musicfreek. That ain't me and I don't want to hide behind that crappy of a name that mean probably nothing to me now. Punk and skater? I love neither now. Music freek? I mean, I adore music of all kinds but I ain't a "freek". I think you pretty much get where I'm going.

So, there you go, ckcas.blogspot.com. Me, just blogging as me about anything and everything around me I suppose.

Day 1 ;

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 10 (since I actually describe in detail and all hahaha!) interesting facts about yourself.

Buka puasa with my 6A2 mates @ Manhattan's! :)

So, here is day 1 of my blog challenge! :)

 I hope to get this through .. *crosses my fingers*

1) I'm a pure indie.

 Honestly, I don't really know if there is such a term and what definition does it carry haha. But, to me it's mean that I'm as indie as I can be. IN EVERYTHING. Take music for example. I will never listen to a band/artiste/genre/etc if it's the "current trend". To me, I create that trend. Yes, I'm an annoying hipster like that. And when it's starts to get mainstream or famous or basically when EVERYONE around me starts to check that certain music out, I'll drop it as fast as I pick it up. And this applies to tvshows, movies, games, apps etc. Well, most of it anyways. But if it's really good stuff, then I'll hang on to it no matter what. Like, Switchfoot. Now that is a combo of mainstream + indie which is hard to come by these days! ;) Yeap, I'm selfish (?)  like that. 

2) I pick up people's gelagat.

Oh this is quite cool & maybe a wee bit creepy. (If I may say so myself :p)  I sorta "collect" little characteristics or mini traits of people I come across or close friends that I know. And that can be in many forms ; catchphrase/favourite words, little habits, style, pet peeves, gestures, basically anything about them that I like about them and make them mine. I know it sounds creepy but in my naive mind, I'm trying to be indivisualistic as I can be. Perhaps, it's caused by my 'indie-ness'. LOL. Take the Korean aigoo and omo and ottohke or Daphne's cheese in every word possible hehehe or clasping my hands to express my excitement (?) like Dara or CL, or pausing and looking up into the blank air for ideas when I speak like GD or crosses my legs and act as poise and composed as possible like my lovely TOP and well, you get the drill.

3) I find washing dishes extremely therapeutic. In fact, I LOVE IT. 

Other than making sure all the dishes and forks & spoons etc super squeaky clean (cuz I'm a perfectionist like that), it actually calms me down and allow meself to get some thinking time. Usually, I will go through the day and analyze it, like what I should have done and whatnot.  Cleaning makes me happy in a way. Like, I'm "washing away" all my stress, all my crazy thoughts and how I'm reducing from getting flustered over the day or the week. It just takes away all that, even if it's for a fleet moment. And that applies also to (spring) cleaning and organising anything from my school files, book shelfs, tables etc. Another plus point would be that I can avoid awkward moments and unnecessary small talks (at parties) which I honestly despises. It's not even troublesome at all. Like I said, I LOVE WASHING DISHES. :) Then again, if the conversations are rather alive and not actually a bore, I wouldn't really bother with the dishes hehehe.

4) I find myself  rather contradicting in person.

Well, if you must know, I'm a Melancholic - with a teeny bit of Phlegmatic in nature. So, technically I'm naturally pessimistic. However, that doesn't necessarily equals to being a negative person - it just meant that I can foresee the consequences or the so-called dark side of a situation and be prepared for that. But then again, if I'm not careful and then allow myself to dwell in that, yes, then maybe I will rather negative in character. Since I realised that, I learn to NOT let it take over my life and let it be a dark and gloomy one. Instead, I choose to ALSO look on the bright side of things... I don't succeed every time of course, but I don't fail all the time either. Hence, I contradict myself. Like I could be saying how this certain issue is not an important matter to me and thus shall not affect me (my effort of being positive) and then five minutes later, I could crititise / complain non-stop about the matter. And this may go on for quite awhile, back and forth trying to convince myself. Yeap, I do realise that I'm a rather conflicted soul so I TRY not to burden another with such moments of justifications/debates within my analysing/critical-thinking mind if I can help it.

5) I've been listening to every single detail in a song/music.

So, I've managed to finally purchase the Ultimate Ears 100 that I've been yearning for awhile now. And that helped me a lot in picking up every tiny detail that goes into a song. I don't know if many of you do this, but I recently picked up that habit. It's quite cool to hear every note, and beat that plays a HUGE part in making up the song. Plus, it helps with my playing and provide me with new ideas to experiment so that I can learn a thing or two. That way, I can enhance my skills, and improve my guitar-playing. I can't really put my finger to it but hearing the bass line in a song or picking out that little cowbell ring in a tune somehow makes me smile because most of us tend to overlook those little elements in a song. I would just go, "Wow, they actually had THAT in this track? AWESOME!" and grin away like I'm high on something hahaha. (So, don't be surprised when I do that.)

6) I actually listen to meaningless dance/clubbing tracks.

As much as I adore indie stuff like The Reign of Kindo, The Temper Trap, Primary, Tablo, Bon Iver, Sienna Noble, Brooke Fraser, (enter band/artiste that most people/your friends have never heard of),  I do appreciate (enjoy) other genre as well. And that includes meaningless dance tracks. Like HIGH HIGH by GD&TOP, Gangnam Style by Psy, Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown, Take Over by Mizz Nina and so on. Any good upbeat, catchy dance-y track, I most probably would love it. That is because sometimes, I don't want a meaningful, thinking song y'know? But some good beats to get me movin' and to just enjoy the song, really!

7) I find Facebook utterly pointless that I lost count of the time I deactivated my account.

Case in point : I deactivate it (again) today. I don't know if it's the annoying sharing of photos or what, but I honestly couldn't care less about people's life anymore. And for those close friends that I do, I will actually have real conversation with them anyways so yeah, no point for me to actually have it. To me, their mundane, uninspiring post is annoying to the max so to deal with that, I deactivate. Case closed. Gao tim.

8) I have a fetish for glass jars. 

So far, I have a few of them and I plan to have more to organise my stationery mostly. Like, my paper clips! or to keep origami stars or cranes <3 And they do come in all shapes and sizes. Tiny ones to tall ones. At times, I would buy a food product JUST to get its adorable jar after I'm done with it. Yup, I'm "interesting" like that. Baby food jars are the cutest! Oooohhh, and those Ikea ones as well! :D

9) I also have a fetish for war films or anything related to war ; documentaries, movies, non-fictions. 

I'm a huge History geek. So, war films naturally becomes my fetish. I'm not sadistic like that. No, I don't find joy in seeing people suffer, in case you're wondering. It's just that, whenever I watch anything related to war, I always thank God that I need not go through all that and count myself blessed. And it helps me understand people more, be it the victims or the oppressors. It also helps me understand the past more, about the grandparents' generations and their trials & tribulations as well as their predicament, appreciate everything more. Their sacrifice and the bloodshed to defend one's country and it's nation and it's tale. And through all these, I get to obtain a glimpse of that.

10) I eat with chopsticks and a porcelain bowl whenever I want to get in touch with my Chinese/Asian side.

You see, I could never associate myself with anything Chinese 'cuz honestly, I don't really see myself as that. That's because being born in Malaysia and being educated in a co-ed, national school since primary, technically means I don't know much about Chinese history and couldn't read Pinyin. Mandarin skills is almost zilch other than the fact that I can count to 10....which is nothing really. But, I can speak fluent Hokkien.. and am proud of that fact! (I don't get how not speaking Mandarin make me less of a Chinese and be called a banana : yellow outside, white inside instead.) Of course, I have come a long way from there... I'm more keen to pick up Mandarin and Cantonese and reading Pinyin and memorising them characters as I go. I'm getting a bit better and more comfortable each day. Sejarah in secondary and pre-university also helped increased my knowledge on Chinese history, though not a lot. But, I can never truly say that I'm Chinese cuz I don't do what most Chinese would do. I don't have that so-called Chinese pride. Maybe it's cuz I wasn't brought up in an environment where I'm supposed to quiet and demure and ladylike. Instead, I'm the exact opposite and don't really appreciate or understand the love for karaoke hahaha. I often joked that if I were to so-called return to China, I highly doubt that they would even call me Chinese lol. So, if people were to ask what am I, I would proudly say that I am Malaysian first, and Chinese second (even if may sound cliche to you).

So there you go, 10 interesting facts (for now) about me. It's hard to list cuz I don't really find myself THAT interesting anyways. :p 

*I'll update more facts if I can come up with it or feel up to it ;)*

The 30 days blog challenge

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Your favorite song.

So, in order to revive my dead blog, my friend-blogger Lorraine decided to get me partake in this challenge with her! How awesome is that. Now, I have something to blog about every day! :)

Can't wait to start ... once she gets hers up and running. Or tomorrow. Yeap, tomorrow sounds good. 

Daily.

Negativity is starting to creep in again. 

I'm turning into that monster .. again.

I had a weird dream where I was asked to trust God but I chose to rebel and whine instead. 

Even in my dream? Now, that's something to think about.

I don't know anymore. I think I need to reevaluate myself and this shouldn't just happen every approaching weekend. I need to seriously sit down and fix this.. with God in the picture. I need to get over this mentality of mine. 

I have to stop blaming others. I need to take responsibility for my emotions ; my anger and my own doings.

I need to.

Project : A Friend A Day!

Well, I'm inspired to start this new project to encourage and bless others with my gift with words! :P

It's called Project : A Friend A Day. hmm, I don't really have a rule for this thing but basically what I do is, I'll tag a friend on Facebook (since there is no word limit) and say thank you for their existence or other positive things. It can be a compliment or just wishes to brighten their day.

I'll try to keep it a daily thing.. hence, A Friend A Day lol. but if not, I'll post whenever I feel like lifting someone up! 

I don't think we should restrict the frequency to tag a person. As in, I encourage you to retag the same person time and time again, if it touches your heart to do so! 

What better way to utilise the Facebook status thingy right? ;)

It can be a close friend, or someone you haven't talk to in awhile or your family members, your other half... basically anyone! I think people would appreciate the fact that you dedicate that space to them .. for the day/week/month/year (if you like hahaha!)

Spread the love and pass it on. Keep it going ; infecting others to do the same! It's a (new) project that I came up with like 30 minutes ago but it's not any less meaningful or close to my heart because I believe in what it can do.

In fact, if you like, you can show your love in other ways as well. Like treating them to lunch, or pay for their parking ticket, make them an appreciation card or a nice hug would work as well. Everyone could use a hug, right? :)

Or better, bless a complete stranger. or surprise your so-called enemies! ;) anything really cuz it's up to your creativity.

If you don't know where to begin, since the essence of this project is inspired by Facebook status thingy and some good friends of mine (Jeanette&Janice), maybe you can start from there. It don't have to be long.. just something from your heart. Something you'll probably never say to the person in the face (cuz you're shy or afraid of what they might think). Something like a simple thank you is a good place to start. Perhaps, over time you'll move on to different things and bigger way to show your love! ;)

I started this for all of you who feel under-appreciated like me. I've been feeling that for awhile now until God reminded me to open my eyes and see how blessed I am. How there ARE people who love and appreciate me for who I am, for what I do. But most of all, HE sees it all. So, ultimately I'm reminded that it didn't matter if no one notices, it's what He thinks that matters. That in the end of the day, He still appreciates YOU and love YOU with all His heart. :)

So yeah, I hope you'll pay it forward and bless someone today, in your own way. I think it's really important to learn not to take anyone for granted. Try to keep it a daily thing (if you can). Or weekly, whatever works for you. In fact, make this project YOUR OWN. Do it your way.. when you want it and so on. You get the drill. So as long as you're showing your love and appreciation for someone. 

Above all, thank YOU for participating in this (very) simple of act of love. I hope to hear stories from you, on Facebook maybe? ;) 

Have an amazin' day ahead and God bless!

- Connie.

P.S If you have a better idea to fine tune this project, then be my guest and share/comment so that we could do it together!

Quality Time!

Had a simple 'makan' with my awesome mates from 6A2! ;)

Goofing off for the camera with them was so much fun. They are my fellow comrades, my amazin' arms of friends, possibly my 3rd family. I'll miss this time and them most once I'm done with Form 6. 

Even though Upper Six is no joke, it's people like them that help to lighten my burden, soothed my daily stress and putting a smile on my face. At the end of it, I won't remember how much I had to go through .. but I'll remember we walk together on this crazy path that most won't choose and carry each other through it.

I thank God for friends like them. Sure, we have our differences and we disagree on the most part, but beneath it all, we share the same dream and passion to do our very best and get into public universities ; to show those who doubt our capabilities and us. ;)

Like I said, their friendship has to be the most meaningful gift God has bestowed upon me. I shall never take it for granted. When (not if!) I do get amazin' results at the end of the day, it will not just be because of my hard work and dedication, but also their love and support that carry me through this trying time. :)

6A2 2012, you (we) rock! <3

till then, 

this is me signing off.

US! celebrating my (belated) birthday & the end of our midterms at Pizza Hut!

credits : Aizad! ;)

David Choi ♥

I'm still in that bubble .. Can't believe I've met him in person and went to his gig (finally!). All I can say is that it has been the best birthday I've had.

Friday, 18 May 2012

My awesome brother told me I could tag along with him to meet David in person! He won this David Choi cover contest so he asked the organisers if he could bring someone and they said yes! like, SAY WHAT?! :D

We went and boy, was I blown away. Though it was obvious that he was totally beat (flight & all that hullabaloo), but I respect that he tried to stay cheery though out the whole thing. :) Go, David I'd say! Didn't say much.. too starstruck I supposed but it was nice to just be there and hear him sing live and unplugged. One of the best, money can't buy experience I've had. Just standing at the side, watching him doing his thing was just.. wow. The grand prize winner, Amrita got to sing with him and I LOVE her rendition of Let Go. The tune is still in my head till today .. yeap, it's that good. 

Took a photo and kept saying that it was "nice to meet him". Gosh, Connie, is that all you could say? -.- 

Made up my mind that I had to get them tickets to his show. *hope that it's still for sale*

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Birthday eve!! :p Went to The Curve to get my 'BaoBei'.. the church's Fender hahaha. Did I tell you how much I love to go to the guitar store? But I don't cuz I'm not pro enough to be messing around with the expensive guitars and people at the store always intimidate me. So, whenever I could tag along with my brother, I would. At least, it felt legit to be there hahaha. 

ANYWAYS, Taylor guitars sounds much better.. or to my liking at least. I like the density in the sound.. and the feel while playing them. The bass (I love a really good bass-y guitar) in the model I was playing with was just amazing. I mean, who am I kidding? It was a RM4000 ++ guitar. o_o

But, my BaoBei is just as good so no complain there!

After picking BB up, we went to Rock Corner to try our luck and thank God there are still tickets for sale! Too bad, I couldn't get the student discount.. just because I didn't have student ID. I'm in a public school, of course I wouldn't own one. -.- ohwells. So much for great customer service really.

So yes, tickets in hand .. see you soon David! :D

Sunday, 20 May 2012!!!

D-DAYYYY!!! :D 내 나인 nineteen, vision은 HD ya'll!!! 

Last year of being a teen. Gosh, I feel old. Had church service as usual.. and awesome people sending their love. (THANK YOU GUYS!) and birthday lunch at one of my favourite place, Sankolok. Their tom yam is to-die-for. D: Just the right amount of sour-tangy and not short of the spicy too! The som tam was just mediocre.. according to my Mom and Brother anyways. I thought it was okay.. but since I wasn't a fan of som tam, my opinion honestly don't matter lol.

Went home and got ready for the show. We arrived on time.. had to just wait awhile to get in. 

The opening act was really good. Jenn Chia did a really good job despite that she said she was extremely nervous. Her originals, was really something to check out. So, make sure you do! :)

 After 3 songs, David Choi came on stage with the amazin' band! Kicking off with his more upbeat tune from his 'Forever And Ever' album, Can't Take This Away ( i think :p) , he sets the mood for the night. The setlist was arranged impeccably and flowed from one tune to the next. During mini breaks in between, he lighten up the mood with jokes, giving away posters with his autograph, more jokes (didn't know he was this funny), and manage to Instagram as well. Well, he did a sweep of the crowd and the band as well as himself goofing off .. as a video to be posted up soon. (i hope.) Such a talented dude. 

I felt it was a little short... but maybe that's just me. Perhaps, I was having such a great time I didn't realise how time flies. Told you he was that good! Major thumb up from me. I left the show with a mental note that I HAVE to go back again when he return for his next Asia/Aussie tour. :)

Had birthday dinner after that at Bubba Gump (my first!) and I loved it. Love the movie and the food and the place. WAHHH must go back if I could. :p

This has been the best week I've had. Best birthday I've had. I really thank God for all these. :)

till then, 

this is me, signing off.

See you soon, David! :)

Let Go.

For a moment there, I thought my blog got deleted. Scary moment most definitely. I know, it shouldn't bother me 'cuz no one actually reads this but .. still. 

Anyways, two words. David. Choi. 

Will update soon. 

xx 

Blah.

Yes, I'm still feeling a little down in the dumps.

No, I don't want to talk about it.

Yes, I wish you'll stop asking me if I'm doing alright.

No, I don't know why I feeling this way. The only reason I have would be daily stress. Either that, or PMS. ugh.

****

Perhaps, I'm dealing with something more than just feeling crappy. Maybe it's because I'm losing faith everyday... in people. in my own faith. But never, God. That I can be sure of.  It's just, things are a little.. whacked these days. I don't remember the last time I read the Bible and pray. Did my devotion, I mean. Perhaps, that could be why I'm feeling like this. Perhaps, it's something else. 

I don't have an answer to why I'm feeling like this. 

I wish I knew. 

Back to square one.

I should be off somewhere, studying for my midterms next Tuesday but here I am, blogging. I don't remember when I deleted my previous blog. Don't remember why either. But, I felt compelled to write again. At least, just to put my thoughts back into words. Solid words. 


I miss writing.. for the sake of writing. Not because I want to score a band 6 in MUET or whatever but just to pen my thoughts down where others couldn't grade my "work". 


Well, if you must know, Form 6 is crazy stuff. Sometimes, I can't even fathom why I even attempted to go down the road less travelled, or so they say. Perhaps, it's ego. Perhaps, it's something else. But since, I'm halfway through (Upper Six baby!) , I might as well do my best or die trying right? Fuhh, easier said than done really. 


I mean, at least half of the subjects I'm taking, I have zilch passion for. Why you say? Because it's like Form 4 & 5 where everything comes in a package. I want to do History but I have to take up Business Studies and Malay Language as well. Awesome or what?


It's okay. I've learned to come to terms with it. I'm slowly learning to love the subjects so that is good. On a brighter note, I really do enjoy Form 6 life. I honestly think it really helps you to mature.. and I've got more time to really think what I want to do with my life. What course to take and all. At the moment, I'm considering Psychology and perhaps, teaching English as a second language.. preferably in a foreign country like Korea or Japan. Well, a girl can dream right?


Made many new friends and classes feel like a family now. That is because my *awesome* class has only 8 people including me. So, our relationship with each other and the teachers are really good. We're tight knit, I'd say! :)


Sure, Form 6 feels little like going back to SPM nightmare-ish days, but I believe it's going to help me in the long run. Plus, at the end of it, I can stand proud and say, I survived Pre-U and honestly, it wasn't that bad. ;)

US! ♥

credits : Adah

mischievous Din's head got blocked by mine. YAY. -.-