Relationship. It's probably one of the most important intangible thing in my life right now. It probably defines me most than other things in my life like music or favourite food. It forms me, mould me, change me... into a person I like or despise.
The thing is with me and relationships is that many may not agree with me on this but I need space. It don't matter who you are ; you could be my closest friend or one of my family member or perhaps even God. It don't matter.. I still need space. I need time away from you. I need that 'absence makes the heart grows fonder' thing. But, you may not understand why. I mean, all you see is that if we enjoy each others company then why be apart? I mean, shouldn't we be in contact as much as possible?
If you were to meet me for the first time, I wouldn't be surprise if you were to think I come off as snobbish or arrogant or even, unfriendly. Sometimes I wonder if that precious 3 seconds of first impression is designed to go against me. I suck at first impression. But, be open-minded and give me time to prove you wrong.
I'm trying to be as neutral. I'm trying to shake off that 'If I like you, I like you and if I don't, then I don't' thing. I mean, people deserves more than my judgement. They deserve more than my cold, heartless one-dimensional labels. They deserve that.
*******
Space. It's not you, it's me. I don't hate you. But if you start to be clingy, I can promise you I won't be nice. I guess that's why most of my relationships don't work out. They get fed up with me constantly pushing them away. It's not that I don't want them to be around ; it's just that I need my own time for myself. That is why I don't like controlling people, telling me what to do. People with ego who demands me to report to them all the time about how I'm doing, what's the latest that happened to me. I mean, I'll share when I want to, with who I want to.
They don't understand. I suppose that's how the world works. I mean, the world LOVES its share of confident, loud & outspoken individuals. They always favour the extroverts, the social butterflies, the talkers. They always do. But, what happens to us introverts? I mean, is it wrong to be quiet, to enjoy nothing but comfortable silence, to be away from that hype? Is it wrong to not want to social all the time, to talk all the time? No, you instead put us into a box and call us misfits, calling us anti-socials and emo people, calling us out we who are withdrawn. I mean, in the end of the day, you're probably just them people who aren't understanding enough, not having enough patience to deal with us.
I think nothing better describes me other than this short passage my 2nd brother posted once on his Facebook. I don't know if he got this from somewhere but something tells me that it's his own wise words:
I remember my mom had a friend visiting, this friend had a son about my age and thought I'd be thrilled to play with him. I remember hiding in the room as she and the friend tried to coax me out. My whole life, family has tried to coax me out. They don't understand I'm not in a shell, just an introvert. We tend to be very selective about who we hang out with, not just hang for the sake of hanging. I hope that makes sense.
I mean of course, I'm not like super self-centered and selfish that EVERYONE has to go out of the way to talk to me, to get to know me better. I do make the effort, I do put my foot forward, making initiative to be friendly and to start conversations etc. Like the passage said, we just tend to be very selective about who we hang out with, not just hang for the sake of hanging. And sometimes, I need to withdraw myself from all of that.
It's just that I need space and people who values that.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Goodbye, STPM ; my souvenirs.
EPIK HIGH'S '99' on replay. Stacks of David Choi (okay fine, 3.) & one Alexa Yoshimoto to add to my playlist. A couple of RPG to be installed. I'm set for one month-ish of nothing but FUN.
With that, my last paper is DONE!
Honestly, it felt a little surreal handing in that answer sheet to the invigilator but yeap, I'm now officially free!!!! (Well, at least until September or so that is ;) )
Had the almost compulsory 'mamak' session and talk about our future varsity days & how difficult BM paper was. All I can say is that, it was totally unexpected and I already found that I made a mistake. A MISTAKE at one of the question which I'm so called confident in. My mind could only go on about, " Oh gosh, what if all the others that I was sooooo confident in would end up with the same result too?"
Omooooo. T_____T
Ahh, forget it. It's over now and the last thing I want to do is to torment myself over something that I obviously can't change. Either way, no regrets whatsoever. :)
Right now, I'm looking forward to that *possible* Penang trip next week. Setting up the Christmas tree later tonight. Ready to unleash my creative side! And, making a prezzie list. Wahhh, freedom didn't taste this good since SPM. I mean, this is my LAST major public examination. No more school, no more uniform. That 1 year & half was pretty sweet, honestly. Can't believe I finally completed my Pre-U and survived. Wasn't that bad as most think it would be hehehehe.
Talks of university choice, job-hunting, what-to-dos and what course to take seems to be the main thing my friends and I are on about. I mean, what would you expect of us school leavers anyways? :b
********
The most surreal thing is probably the thought of not having my rakan seperjuangan by my side anymore. I mean, no more Suhadah's "crazy/meroyan" time (peak time : late mornings - noon-ish), going crazy over all things YG Entertainment & the beautiful Korea with Lorraine & Syafa, hanging out with boys of 6A2 (Aizad, Iskandar, Arshad & Din) with their silly antics in tow (of course hahaha) .
Friendship like these don't just come & go. They stay with you forever. I will miss all the memories made. All the deep conversations, the difficult time we braced through together, the happy times we shared. Cliché but true.
I am going to miss having a good laugh & mini story-telling session during Sejarah with teacher-lifelong friend Puan Rohaya or affectionately known as Mek Yah to us. Truly like a mother to us, we turn to her for words of comfort and wise advice like a friend but above all, like a respected maternal role in our Form 6 life.She is one amazing multitask-er and Sejarah period is never a bore with her around.
Getting daily life lesson/survival tips from our lovely Puan Sow. She is probably one of the most gangsta' Bahasa Malaysia teacher you will ever meet. I love how she tell us as it is, not sugarcoating stuff to make things better. She ultimately became our mediator and again, nothing but wise partings from her. I'm thankful for all the lesson for a subject (that I once deemed as a bore and difficult) that helped make things so much easier to understand and to fall in love with.
Also, not forgetting the sweetheart of the class, Puan Wong, who continue to inspire me to study/work harder on her subject, Pengajian Perniagaan. Sometimes, I wonder if she was the one to sit for the STPM or us. I mean, her willingness to go all out to find out information, & read up the night before just so she could explain the terms & lesson to us. And also, for her to relentlessly to motivate us.
and also, Puan Lim, the most dedicated Pengajian Am teacher who goes out all the way to impart extra knowledge even if we're (technically) not her class. All the extra lessons, extra notes and extra knowledge alongside the STPM mini-tips definitely help. She never stop telling us how we can do this ; that PA is not impossible to do. She believes that if we set our mind to it, nothing is impossible. ;)
MUET teacher, Puan Sharon Chan! How can I leave out such a bright, vibrant character. Learning English from her was definitely a breath of fresh air. Her gung ho spirit when it comes to teaching simply catch on you. I love her take on MUET ; she is definitely not your average English that is for sure. I appreciate that she is constantly challenging us to be better, to be more informed, to always strive for more, to never just settle for a pass. I mean, behind that tough love, she just wants the best for us. All I can say that, you're in good hands and that her class is definitely an eye-opener.
Our main Pengajian Am teacher, Encik Rozaim for his aegyo ; that he is not afraid to be silly with us and for all the knowledge that money can't buy. He keeps us updated with all the current issues in the country and also, in other foreign countries. Not forgetting, his ceaseless patience with us and his passion to teach us crazy & misfit group of students is something to be treasured. He thought us that learning is lifelong thing and that knowledge is shared both ways.
Not forgetting all my previous teachers as well,
Datin Nor Hasmah, who is our sunlight, constantly pouring out motivations & is ever so positive. Soft-spoken, despite her title, she is one of the most humble and down-to-earth person ever. She is definitely one of a kind. I have never seen her get angry or lose her temper at us... not even once. But instead, she imparts words of wisdom, continuously encouraging us.
Puan Doreen, with her can-do attitude is definitely infectious on anyone. She chose to believe in us and chose to take a risk on us & defy all the negative labels that has unfortunately been stamped on fellow 6R2/6A2s.We became the catalyst and changing perceptions of many... and this is all because of her. With that, we are able to take on important roles in school and actually do something for the school and its community. For that, I want to thank her for all the motivation and the opportunities that was offered to us.
Puan Tuan Norhayati, who first taught us Business Studies, helped lay out important foundation in our learning as well as good understanding the subject.The foundation definitely helped when we continue in Upper Six. Her patience and the fact that she took extra effort to review lessons the next day was something that was important in our learning process. She took extra care to make sure we understood her lesson and I thank her for that.
And last but definitely not least, my friends who have been by my side since Lower Six, words does not simply justify our friendship and all the things we've been through. But still, I thank you for it has been an amazing adventure with all of you.
With that, I'm eternally grateful for Form 6 life, all the things it had taught me and all the things that came with it.
With that, my last paper is DONE!
Honestly, it felt a little surreal handing in that answer sheet to the invigilator but yeap, I'm now officially free!!!! (Well, at least until September or so that is ;) )
Had the almost compulsory 'mamak' session and talk about our future varsity days & how difficult BM paper was. All I can say is that, it was totally unexpected and I already found that I made a mistake. A MISTAKE at one of the question which I'm so called confident in. My mind could only go on about, " Oh gosh, what if all the others that I was sooooo confident in would end up with the same result too?"
Omooooo. T_____T
Ahh, forget it. It's over now and the last thing I want to do is to torment myself over something that I obviously can't change. Either way, no regrets whatsoever. :)
Right now, I'm looking forward to that *possible* Penang trip next week. Setting up the Christmas tree later tonight. Ready to unleash my creative side! And, making a prezzie list. Wahhh, freedom didn't taste this good since SPM. I mean, this is my LAST major public examination. No more school, no more uniform. That 1 year & half was pretty sweet, honestly. Can't believe I finally completed my Pre-U and survived. Wasn't that bad as most think it would be hehehehe.
Talks of university choice, job-hunting, what-to-dos and what course to take seems to be the main thing my friends and I are on about. I mean, what would you expect of us school leavers anyways? :b
********
The most surreal thing is probably the thought of not having my rakan seperjuangan by my side anymore. I mean, no more Suhadah's "crazy/meroyan" time (peak time : late mornings - noon-ish), going crazy over all things YG Entertainment & the beautiful Korea with Lorraine & Syafa, hanging out with boys of 6A2 (Aizad, Iskandar, Arshad & Din) with their silly antics in tow (of course hahaha) .
Friendship like these don't just come & go. They stay with you forever. I will miss all the memories made. All the deep conversations, the difficult time we braced through together, the happy times we shared. Cliché but true.
I am going to miss having a good laugh & mini story-telling session during Sejarah with teacher-lifelong friend Puan Rohaya or affectionately known as Mek Yah to us. Truly like a mother to us, we turn to her for words of comfort and wise advice like a friend but above all, like a respected maternal role in our Form 6 life.She is one amazing multitask-er and Sejarah period is never a bore with her around.
Getting daily life lesson/survival tips from our lovely Puan Sow. She is probably one of the most gangsta' Bahasa Malaysia teacher you will ever meet. I love how she tell us as it is, not sugarcoating stuff to make things better. She ultimately became our mediator and again, nothing but wise partings from her. I'm thankful for all the lesson for a subject (that I once deemed as a bore and difficult) that helped make things so much easier to understand and to fall in love with.
Also, not forgetting the sweetheart of the class, Puan Wong, who continue to inspire me to study/work harder on her subject, Pengajian Perniagaan. Sometimes, I wonder if she was the one to sit for the STPM or us. I mean, her willingness to go all out to find out information, & read up the night before just so she could explain the terms & lesson to us. And also, for her to relentlessly to motivate us.
and also, Puan Lim, the most dedicated Pengajian Am teacher who goes out all the way to impart extra knowledge even if we're (technically) not her class. All the extra lessons, extra notes and extra knowledge alongside the STPM mini-tips definitely help. She never stop telling us how we can do this ; that PA is not impossible to do. She believes that if we set our mind to it, nothing is impossible. ;)
MUET teacher, Puan Sharon Chan! How can I leave out such a bright, vibrant character. Learning English from her was definitely a breath of fresh air. Her gung ho spirit when it comes to teaching simply catch on you. I love her take on MUET ; she is definitely not your average English that is for sure. I appreciate that she is constantly challenging us to be better, to be more informed, to always strive for more, to never just settle for a pass. I mean, behind that tough love, she just wants the best for us. All I can say that, you're in good hands and that her class is definitely an eye-opener.
Our main Pengajian Am teacher, Encik Rozaim for his aegyo ; that he is not afraid to be silly with us and for all the knowledge that money can't buy. He keeps us updated with all the current issues in the country and also, in other foreign countries. Not forgetting, his ceaseless patience with us and his passion to teach us crazy & misfit group of students is something to be treasured. He thought us that learning is lifelong thing and that knowledge is shared both ways.
Not forgetting all my previous teachers as well,
Datin Nor Hasmah, who is our sunlight, constantly pouring out motivations & is ever so positive. Soft-spoken, despite her title, she is one of the most humble and down-to-earth person ever. She is definitely one of a kind. I have never seen her get angry or lose her temper at us... not even once. But instead, she imparts words of wisdom, continuously encouraging us.
Puan Doreen, with her can-do attitude is definitely infectious on anyone. She chose to believe in us and chose to take a risk on us & defy all the negative labels that has unfortunately been stamped on fellow 6R2/6A2s.We became the catalyst and changing perceptions of many... and this is all because of her. With that, we are able to take on important roles in school and actually do something for the school and its community. For that, I want to thank her for all the motivation and the opportunities that was offered to us.
Puan Tuan Norhayati, who first taught us Business Studies, helped lay out important foundation in our learning as well as good understanding the subject.The foundation definitely helped when we continue in Upper Six. Her patience and the fact that she took extra effort to review lessons the next day was something that was important in our learning process. She took extra care to make sure we understood her lesson and I thank her for that.
And last but definitely not least, my friends who have been by my side since Lower Six, words does not simply justify our friendship and all the things we've been through. But still, I thank you for it has been an amazing adventure with all of you.
With that, I'm eternally grateful for Form 6 life, all the things it had taught me and all the things that came with it.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
(I thought while I'm at it, why not continue this challenge lol)
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to
Possibly the best picture to depict Macau, isn't it? It's the first thing that pop into my mind when I think about the beautiful country.
So, I've been here ... The ruins of St.Paul Cathedral. And also, the Venetian (it's like a little piece of Italy, honestly!)
The ruins is hauntingly beautiful and I would try to go back there again next year. It's like almost 4 years since I first visit Macau. Getting super excited just thinking about the trip. :)
I miss the food, the beautiful architecture, the fusion between East and West which still breathe life and ultimately is the essence of Macau and above all, my Uncle, Aunt & little Grace. I can't wait to see them & spent some time in this quaint little city.
Well, there you go, for day 5.Only 25 more day (posts) to go!
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to
 |
| Taken from Trip Advisor : Macau Vacation |
So, I've been here ... The ruins of St.Paul Cathedral. And also, the Venetian (it's like a little piece of Italy, honestly!)
The ruins is hauntingly beautiful and I would try to go back there again next year. It's like almost 4 years since I first visit Macau. Getting super excited just thinking about the trip. :)
I miss the food, the beautiful architecture, the fusion between East and West which still breathe life and ultimately is the essence of Macau and above all, my Uncle, Aunt & little Grace. I can't wait to see them & spent some time in this quaint little city.
Well, there you go, for day 5.Only 25 more day (posts) to go!
What to do?
Funny how I tend to get this sort of epiphany late night/early mornings (2 am,anyone?)
By epiphany, I usually mean mini-inspiration to blog. As I'm typing away, I can't help but think that come this Wednesday, it will be (officially) my last day of school. My last paper ; hence last day of being in a public school. After this, I will off for another adventure : Varsity Days.
To be completely honest, I have yet to figure out what I want to do ; what course to take and all. But right now, I'mma chill (after my last paper that is!) and worry on post STPM activities.
Things-to-do :
1) Get an actual job (Full time for three months maybe)
2) MACAU (possible HK trip?!) woots!!
3) Plan out Youth Day cum Youth camp! *stoked*
4) Go for that Korean Language class !
5) Pick up dancing again? I'm considering hiphop/jazz at the mo (no absence of natural talent shall stop me muahahaha)
6) Resume the guitar class!
7) Start training for marathon again - (workout/slim down-get fit plan)
8) Find a little 'me' time for some K-drama I've been saving up & of course, RUNNING MAN!!!
9) Oh yes, that includes some local tv shows like Hip Hoppin Asia with none other than MR JOE FLIZZOW!!!
10) Practice my driving... I gotta be better at this seriously.
11) Pick up electric guitar maybe? OR continue practicing to be better at acoustic. (My skills are getting choppy these days -_-)
12) Take some time to figure out what I want to do... East Asian Studies or Psychology or Anthropology.
13) Do more things that I've been putting off all year! :)
Well, that's just a rough sketch to get me started. For now, I have BM 1 to go and Christmas to look forward to. Stoked is not even enough to justify my state right now. Hopefully, I will actually cross out these things on my list. Till then, this is me signing out.
By epiphany, I usually mean mini-inspiration to blog. As I'm typing away, I can't help but think that come this Wednesday, it will be (officially) my last day of school. My last paper ; hence last day of being in a public school. After this, I will off for another adventure : Varsity Days.
To be completely honest, I have yet to figure out what I want to do ; what course to take and all. But right now, I'mma chill (after my last paper that is!) and worry on post STPM activities.
Things-to-do :
1) Get an actual job (Full time for three months maybe)
2) MACAU (possible HK trip?!) woots!!
3) Plan out Youth Day cum Youth camp! *stoked*
4) Go for that Korean Language class !
5) Pick up dancing again? I'm considering hiphop/jazz at the mo (no absence of natural talent shall stop me muahahaha)
6) Resume the guitar class!
7) Start training for marathon again - (workout/slim down-get fit plan)
8) Find a little 'me' time for some K-drama I've been saving up & of course, RUNNING MAN!!!
9) Oh yes, that includes some local tv shows like Hip Hoppin Asia with none other than MR JOE FLIZZOW!!!
10) Practice my driving... I gotta be better at this seriously.
11) Pick up electric guitar maybe? OR continue practicing to be better at acoustic. (My skills are getting choppy these days -_-)
12) Take some time to figure out what I want to do... East Asian Studies or Psychology or Anthropology.
13) Do more things that I've been putting off all year! :)
Well, that's just a rough sketch to get me started. For now, I have BM 1 to go and Christmas to look forward to. Stoked is not even enough to justify my state right now. Hopefully, I will actually cross out these things on my list. Till then, this is me signing out.
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